I read this article and it coincides with an article my best friend Brittany sent me today about thoughts.
We can think about so much of what we do not want that we absolutely miss what God wants and the fact that we have the time and space to do what He is asking. I look at my life and see it as a tangle of yarn that I am trying to see how it got like that. If I look back over my year, I can see some highlights and some firsts, and even people who benefited. But (and I know it is a faux pas to start a sentence with but,) if my ball of yarn life is only fun to a kitten who randomly plays with it, rather than being a crochet blanket or pot holder that helps those closely surrounding me, am I really effective? And so no. I am not effective and I am not focused as June 5th, 2022. I am taking time to assess myself and my works and my faith and my intentions and my pride and my ego and my go-getter qualities that led to my will being done rather than God’s. And I pray that I will get on track in a timely and dedicated manner.
You know how you look back at your life and see points when you were so sure and so committed and so in the saddle and you wonder where that person has gone? Or what perfect circumstances where being held together or who were you studying or what were your habits and your thoughts?
The good thing about it is that we are alive and breathing.
The bad part about it is that we let it get here. I repent of the here I am at currently.
If I were to write out all the self-inflicted negatives, I would be thoroughly embarrassed because my actions do not reflect someone who knows Christ/God is the source of all their blessings. The main theme that you would see is a lack of stewardship, organization and planning. And I have actively tried in the past to correct those things but not with the gusto I really needed. I was doing it one toe in the water instead of fully jumping in and it goes back to my thoughts.
Do I really see myself as capable? Am I able to stand my ground and maintain in the face of opposition?
This article is the answer to all my running and escapism from the real problem: my own lack of focus.
I hope it helps you as much as it did me.