What is Your Focus?

Mind., Spirit and In-Spirit-ation, The Vent, Writing

I read this article and it coincides with an article my best friend Brittany sent me today about thoughts.

We can think about so much of what we do not want that we absolutely miss what God wants and the fact that we have the time and space to do what He is asking. I look at my life and see it as a tangle of yarn that I am trying to see how it got like that. If I look back over my year, I can see some highlights and some firsts, and even people who benefited. But (and I know it is a faux pas to start a sentence with but,) if my ball of yarn life is only fun to a kitten who randomly plays with it, rather than being a crochet blanket or pot holder that helps those closely surrounding me, am I really effective? And so no. I am not effective and I am not focused as June 5th, 2022. I am taking time to assess myself and my works and my faith and my intentions and my pride and my ego and my go-getter qualities that led to my will being done rather than God’s. And I pray that I will get on track in a timely and dedicated manner.

You know how you look back at your life and see points when you were so sure and so committed and so in the saddle and you wonder where that person has gone? Or what perfect circumstances where being held together or who were you studying or what were your habits and your thoughts?

The good thing about it is that we are alive and breathing.

The bad part about it is that we let it get here. I repent of the here I am at currently.

If I were to write out all the self-inflicted negatives, I would be thoroughly embarrassed because my actions do not reflect someone who knows Christ/God is the source of all their blessings. The main theme that you would see is a lack of stewardship, organization and planning. And I have actively tried in the past to correct those things but not with the gusto I really needed. I was doing it one toe in the water instead of fully jumping in and it goes back to my thoughts.

Do I really see myself as capable? Am I able to stand my ground and maintain in the face of opposition?

This article is the answer to all my running and escapism from the real problem: my own lack of focus.

I hope it helps you as much as it did me.


8.21.2015 thoughts

The Vent

I thought the World had FREEDOM.

Included in your purchase, the right to be however you wanted. Like validation, not worrying about the ticket when you roll in the parking lot because the hotel will stamp it and make it complimentary. You know that kinda validation, self-validation: where what you say, what you buy, what you think, what you don’t do makes you Worth something. 

I thought the World had Freedom. 

Not within any flag or pledge.

Within indiviuduality, within our differences and our commonalities: the freedom to be sweet or the wherewithal to cuss everybody and take they lunch money, as these corporations and meter maids will oft do. 
But slowly
That freedom 

When I wasn’t so shiny and “didn’t have it like that” in the words of Drake, who was I then?


The first letter in identity.

What gives us our identity? Who gives us our identity?
Well, we can all agree that our parents give us our race, our family gives us our heritage, our ethnicity gives us our location.

But, now really, who gave any of that?

Back in the beginning

In the time before time

In the dark void

He was. 

I have experienced an enchanted day of defeat and victory. I will r ravel it here. He breaks CHAINS, yall. Try God.

Reconciliation and Love, True Love are in Him and in loving people. When you extend love and thankfulness, doors open. 

May your autumn be a thing of beauty.

90s Babies, the Fresh Prince of Peace & The Living Water

RetroStank, Spirit and In-Spirit-ation, The Vent, Writing

On a bench under a tree in Piedmont Park amidst the playground and the catbirds, three-and-a half souls sat: Robert, Carmen, Riley and myself. Gathered to share scripture, struggle, success, and prayer, the Atlanta sun shone us. I asked, “Does anyone want to share a theme they’ve been digesting?” My dazzling husband ( ❤ u baby) Robert,  chimed in with something he had described to his homie who is from Eatonville, FL, Zora Neale Hurston’s birthplace.
As we sat, two girls walked past. We gave them water bottles, wrapped in lime green duct tape and Sharpied with Revelations 22:17, John 3:5, and John 4:14.

They pointed out the group gathered on a quilt, saying that they would want water too.

Slap to the right of us was about ten nineties’ babies. ❤

Rob and Riley reached them first and offered something to wet the tongue and the soul. Carmen shared 1 John 5:9-12 and I showed them how the daughter of an elder, tired of church every Sunday, surrounded by metaphysics, practicing religions from A to Z could find His love again.

“I left high school so sure Christ couldn’t be the Answer because I’d witnessed self-professed Christian leaders wallowing in sin. I couldn’t deal with that. So time, I got to CAU, I was wide open spiritually. I wanted to belong, I wanted to love, I wanted acceptance. We want our families to encourage us and we want to give our love freely. I wanted healing and I was looking under every rock, every flower, every ideology. My grandmama was telling me all the time, “Lauren, the Word is you life.” She did not approve of the Nefertiti sculptures, incense, and Ganesh paintings, but she still called me and she still sent money to me.

Fast forward to 2014 when I became pregnant with my son Riley. My grandmama passed less than a month before he was born. I was speechless. I’ll never forget how I chanted Jesus; I chanted His name. All that pain vanished..

I don’t know what your journey is, what your trials are, but the Lord is waiting on you. You are His. The Earth is His. Every car, every house, every job, every person, every treasure, every place is His.”

Below is the beautiful group that was gracious enough to listen.

To yall, I love you and I am praying for your best.

You are the best version of you, period.

An original creation. Like my grandma would say He wants His best for you, but you have to allow Him in. Repent and be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ, who died on the cross and by whom we are redeemed back to God.

Young and old, do not be afraid to declare that Christ lives.  “But whosoever shall deny me before men, him will I also deny before my Father which is in heaven.”

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭10:33‬ ‭KJV‬‬

Put Satan under your feet as Antoinette Ellis-the Dominicana told me today. Tell Satan he is a lie!

P.s. Everyone check out  http://m-o-n-d-o.tumblr.com/post/122056704144/my-musical-journey-so-far

It is the blog of the dude in the red jacket.



“And the Spirit and the bride say, Come. And let him that heareth say, Come. And let him that is athirst come. And whosoever will, let him take the water of life freely.”

‭‭Revelation‬ ‭22:17‬ ‭KJV‬‬

“Jesus answered, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God.”

‭‭John‬ ‭3:5‬ ‭KJV‬‬

“But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life.”

‭‭John‬ ‭4:14‬ ‭KJV‬‬

Sidenote —>Rob broke down the true distinction between God’s church and all that that ain’t. “Imagine that the whole world was full of lames. A lame wants to him buy something to boost his credibility. He sees somebody selling Jordan’s. He don’t realize this hustler got FAKE-Fake-Fakety-Fake Jordan’s. We can tell the real Jordan’s by the quality, the Jordan on the sole, the holographic bubble, etcetera. In the same way, God has one real church. If it don’t have the name Christ, then you better check the tag. 😀 That Sunday, me and my homeboy stopped at a Petro; he says to me “Ay cuz” and holds up a pair of fake J’s.” Like Carmen says, God’s got a sense of humor.


Ritual of Healing #5: Embracing your dark side

Healing + Body, Spirit and In-Spirit-ation, The Vent

Ritual of Healing #5: Embracing your dark side

The Shadow: psychologist Carl Jung broke down that all our unsavory and negative emotions, behaviors, tendencies, and memories combine to create our hidden and unconscious vulnerablities and weaknesses. Dang, turning that finger that points to other people and circumstance to who it needs to be pointed at, i.e. YOU, is something else.

i know that i am at fault on this one; i stay avoiding that “mean/don’t give a damn/selfish/judgemental Lauren”. J. Cole actually has a song called “2Face” (that I recommend and used to play evry morning getting my outfit on) that speaks to this idea of us switching gears between two poles. Man, honestly, just allowing yourself to be authentic and alive in the emotion, positive or negative, is empowering. I had had this obsession with always seeing the good or making excuses for why I should be the bigger person in the scenario (I really think it was remenants of my highly involved dabbling in Buddhism/Hinduism/Taoism/metaphysics/laws of Ma’at that left no room for showing out/clowning/goin off when it was truly warranted.)

Little do you know, we all have periods in our lives where we look back and say “Damn, I was terrible!!” or “That was painful-embarassing-sad” and you know what, those occasions serve as character building.


The Japanese aesthetic view of Wabi-sabi centers on the transience and imperfection of art/life. Roughness, asymmetry, irregularity=BEAUTY

A powerful concept.

anyway, on last night, I took a look in the mirror and said, “I love evry cell in my body, evry vein of my soul, and evry beat of my heart.” especially the Shadow.


The power of mindfully embracing your dark side!!

via Ritual of Healing #5: Embracing your dark side.

The Vent: All Fans Switched ON

poetry., The Vent

Cowardice is often a sister of repression. Swallowed sentences and full hearts—what when tension is stretched like tightropes and the actors KNOW what they’re doing is affecting you; still they slink with phrases such as “do you need me to come with you to the store?” Or “it’s a hot one today, isn’t it?” When you have to remind yourself to breathe deeply, when it would have otherwise been unconscious and autonomic. Faces like these deserve a slap, and frames, a shake. Have you ever known a breaking point in the midst of an armistice? Just when you thought the white flag of peace waved and doves were freed.
From where I’m standing, it screams of an ambush and loved ones stray into strangers. Hmm, pinpointing the exact moment of strain would be as daunting as counting every strawberry seed on the plant.

People paint and portray themselves as the Las Meninas, 1656 by Diego Velazquez but secretly they are more like seahags.

Faux people, Faux people.

Apathy, really I can’t do nothing but giggle, literally it’s that sitcom.

P.s. Mind you, this stream of thought is highly out-of-character for me, however, I feel better.